1
00:00:01,438 --> 00:00:02,486
Good morning!

2
00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:04,158
There's the birthday boy!

3
00:00:04,184 --> 00:00:06,465
65 candles on one cake.

4
00:00:06,466 --> 00:00:07,911
This is a big day for you...

5
00:00:07,912 --> 00:00:10,348
and for the astronauts
who can see it from space.

6
00:00:10,349 --> 00:00:11,955
Happy birthday to you.

7
00:00:11,956 --> 00:00:15,627
Thank you. And just so everyone knows,
I want a quiet day.

8
00:00:15,771 --> 00:00:17,171
No surprises.

9
00:00:17,781 --> 00:00:19,253
No surprises.

10
00:00:19,625 --> 00:00:22,042
Last night, I found out
that I am pregnant,

11
00:00:22,205 --> 00:00:24,676
so Jay's gonna get
one big surprise.

12
00:00:25,466 --> 00:00:27,015
Okay, two if you count

13
00:00:27,016 --> 00:00:29,592
the barbecue apron
with the bikini body on it.

14
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:30,880
I don't blame you, Jay.

15
00:00:30,881 --> 00:00:33,061
You'd had enough excitement
in one lifetime--

16
00:00:33,062 --> 00:00:36,146
The dawn of flight,
printed books, agriculture.

17
00:00:36,147 --> 00:00:37,661
All right, what's with all the jokes?

18
00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:38,936
It's insult comedy.

19
00:00:38,937 --> 00:00:41,241
I've been watching old
Dean Martin roasts online.

20
00:00:42,051 --> 00:00:43,772
Like this guy knows
from the Internet.

21
00:00:43,773 --> 00:00:44,446
The other morning,

22
00:00:44,447 --> 00:00:46,366
I saw him looking for the crank
on the front of his car.

23
00:00:46,367 --> 00:00:48,607
- Okay, you're done.
- I make fun, and we laugh.

24
00:00:48,608 --> 00:00:50,058
But in all seriousness,

25
00:00:50,059 --> 00:00:52,521
if you see a light today,
don't walk towards it.

26
00:00:54,492 --> 00:00:56,703
I'm sorry I was asleep
when you got home.

27
00:00:57,026 --> 00:00:59,066
Cam and Mitch
must be disappointed.

28
00:00:59,368 --> 00:01:01,511
They were really geared up
to get that kid.

29
00:01:01,512 --> 00:01:03,144
But there's a silver lining.

30
00:01:03,145 --> 00:01:05,942
You might be right.
Babies are a lot of work.

31
00:01:05,943 --> 00:01:07,262
No, that's not what I mean.

32
00:01:07,263 --> 00:01:09,300
- I'm-- - Ah, you know, and these two
aren't getting any younger.

33
00:01:09,301 --> 00:01:11,716
The last thing they need
is to start over.

34
00:01:11,717 --> 00:01:13,202
Would that be so bad?

35
00:01:15,382 --> 00:01:16,241
Hey, Jay.

36
00:01:16,333 --> 00:01:17,133
- Hey!
- Hi.

37
00:01:17,417 --> 00:01:18,912
What are you doing?

38
00:01:18,917 --> 00:01:20,444
- What the heck is that?
- What?

39
00:01:20,445 --> 00:01:21,302
Get him!

40
00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,118
Jay has been very explicit

41
00:01:24,119 --> 00:01:26,959
about what he wants
to do for his 65th birthday,

42
00:01:27,872 --> 00:01:30,736
but Phil Dunphy
reads between the lines.

43
00:01:31,994 --> 00:01:33,584
What the hell is going on?!
What are you doing?!

44
00:01:33,585 --> 00:01:35,140
Making your birthday dreams
comes true.

45
00:01:35,141 --> 00:01:36,703
It's your special day, buddy.

46
00:01:36,704 --> 00:01:37,590
Should we put him in the trunk?

47
00:01:37,591 --> 00:01:38,798
Why would we put him in the trunk?

48
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,089
You said there were no bad ideas.

49
00:01:40,090 --> 00:01:41,643
Get this stupid thing off me!

50
00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:43,092
I thought you said the hood
would calm him down.

51
00:01:43,093 --> 00:01:44,502
It works with my falcon.

52
00:01:44,937 --> 00:01:47,709
Don't worry, Gloria.
We'll have him back in time for dinner.

53
00:01:47,710 --> 00:01:49,671
Which for him is
at 4:00 in the afternoon.

54
00:01:49,975 --> 00:01:51,950
'Cause he's old! I love it!

55
00:02:00,779 --> 00:02:04,279
Synced by YYeTs, corrections by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com

56
00:02:05,032 --> 00:02:06,619
This is really good coffee.

57
00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:08,029
It really is.

58
00:02:08,236 --> 00:02:09,961
- Ahh.
- Is it a medium roast or...

59
00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:11,116
Uh, dark.

60
00:02:11,671 --> 00:02:13,713
Oh. I was gonna say dark.
I don't know why I said medium.

61
00:02:13,714 --> 00:02:14,888
Well, you would've been right.

62
00:02:18,090 --> 00:02:18,947
Is it whole milk or...

63
00:02:18,948 --> 00:02:20,356
- 2%. 
- 2%.

64
00:02:23,164 --> 00:02:24,639
Okay. This is ridiculous.

65
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:26,624
We need to talk about
the elephant in the room.

66
00:02:29,660 --> 00:02:30,673
The giant stuffed elephant

67
00:02:30,674 --> 00:02:32,723
was a gift from
our good friend Pepper.

68
00:02:32,818 --> 00:02:35,532
Gay guys having kids is--
it's relatively new,

69
00:02:35,533 --> 00:02:37,231
so our community
has not yet learned

70
00:02:37,232 --> 00:02:38,734
how to modulate baby gifts.

71
00:02:38,735 --> 00:02:40,936
When Steven and Stefan
had little Rocco,

72
00:02:40,937 --> 00:02:42,261
our friend Longinus sent over

73
00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:43,904
the whole cast of "Yo gabba gabba".

74
00:02:43,905 --> 00:02:45,956
Now Rocco cries whenever
he sees bright colors.

75
00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,242
I'm not allowed over there.

76
00:02:48,051 --> 00:02:50,060
I guess we should
donate it somewhere,

77
00:02:50,803 --> 00:02:52,626
along with the 800-pound gorilla.

78
00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:56,754
I mean, you know, now that
we're not getting a baby.

79
00:02:56,755 --> 00:02:57,841
A decision, by the way,

80
00:02:57,842 --> 00:02:59,836
which seems even better
in the light of day.

81
00:02:59,837 --> 00:03:01,358
Mm. No, I totally agree.

82
00:03:01,706 --> 00:03:03,413
- So we're good?
- No, we're great.

83
00:03:03,414 --> 00:03:05,093
- We couldn't have handled this any better.
- No.

84
00:03:05,094 --> 00:03:07,288
Where's my new baby brother?

85
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,403
Okay. Uh, slight oversight.

86
00:03:10,404 --> 00:03:12,580
Can I see him?
Can we name him Larry?

87
00:03:12,633 --> 00:03:15,002
Okay, sweetie.
Here, have a seat with us.

88
00:03:15,146 --> 00:03:16,035
Um, listen.

89
00:03:16,769 --> 00:03:18,334
There's something
we need to tell you.

90
00:03:18,335 --> 00:03:19,798
Is it about Larry?

91
00:03:19,799 --> 00:03:22,018
Well, uh, yes.
Uh, sort of.

92
00:03:22,019 --> 00:03:25,119
Um, it--it turns out that...
We're not getting a baby.

93
00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:28,560
Yeah, and I know this--
this makes you very sad,

94
00:03:28,690 --> 00:03:30,131
but I promise you
we're still a family--

95
00:03:30,132 --> 00:03:31,501
Can I have a kitten?

96
00:03:31,888 --> 00:03:32,694
A kitten?

97
00:03:32,695 --> 00:03:34,205
If I can't have a brother,

98
00:03:34,206 --> 00:03:36,904
then I want a kitten named Larry.

99
00:03:38,208 --> 00:03:40,624
Okay, w-what's this about?
Is Larry on a show?

100
00:03:40,643 --> 00:03:43,388
He's not, which is what's weird.

101
00:03:46,508 --> 00:03:48,392
- Ooh! How was prom?
- So fun.

102
00:03:48,393 --> 00:03:49,855
Michael and I danced all night...

103
00:03:49,856 --> 00:03:50,951
And then we stayed after
and helped clean up,

104
00:03:50,952 --> 00:03:51,659
which was awesome

105
00:03:51,660 --> 00:03:54,147
because I got to meet
next year's trig teacher.

106
00:03:54,415 --> 00:03:56,047
That is not the prom I remember.

107
00:03:56,048 --> 00:03:57,968
I have such a bad headache!

108
00:03:58,130 --> 00:03:59,513
That's the prom I remember.

109
00:03:59,814 --> 00:04:00,720
Were you drinking?

110
00:04:00,721 --> 00:04:03,063
Mom, do we really
have to do this?

111
00:04:03,064 --> 00:04:05,019
You ask if I was drinking,
I say "No,"

112
00:04:05,020 --> 00:04:06,883
and we both know
that that's not true.

113
00:04:07,418 --> 00:04:10,134
I mean, aren't we past
this point in our relationship?

114
00:04:10,135 --> 00:04:11,575
No, young lady, we are not.

115
00:04:11,576 --> 00:04:12,880
Then I wasn't drinking.

116
00:04:13,933 --> 00:04:15,582
Me neither, Mrs. D.

117
00:04:15,961 --> 00:04:18,331
Dear God. Tell me he
did not spend the night here.

118
00:04:18,332 --> 00:04:20,612
Mom, do we really
have to do this?

119
00:04:22,728 --> 00:04:24,376
Mom, I have a big decision to make

120
00:04:24,377 --> 00:04:25,900
about poetry camp this summer.

121
00:04:25,901 --> 00:04:27,901
Is this about
the walking sticks again?

122
00:04:27,931 --> 00:04:29,884
Pack them all and decide
when you're there.

123
00:04:29,885 --> 00:04:32,405
I can either focus
on sonnets or free verse.

124
00:04:32,495 --> 00:04:34,623
I've always fancied
myself a sonneteer,

125
00:04:34,804 --> 00:04:36,363
But I'm thinking
the free verse girls

126
00:04:36,364 --> 00:04:37,892
will be freer with everything,

127
00:04:38,058 --> 00:04:39,271
If you catch my meaning.

128
00:04:41,002 --> 00:04:42,336
Hmm? Ay. I'm sorry, Manny.

129
00:04:42,337 --> 00:04:44,416
I'm sure you will make
the right decision.

130
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,512
Are you okay?
You seem distracted.

131
00:04:46,742 --> 00:04:49,373
Manny, sit down.
I have to tell you something.

132
00:04:49,816 --> 00:04:50,840
What?

133
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,967
I am pregnant.

134
00:04:54,540 --> 00:04:55,514
You're what?

135
00:04:55,515 --> 00:04:57,099
I'm going to have a baby.

136
00:04:57,867 --> 00:04:58,920
Wow.

137
00:04:58,921 --> 00:04:59,939
What?

138
00:04:59,940 --> 00:05:01,167
You're not happy?

139
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:02,344
Yeah. Sure.

140
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,164
It's just a lot to take in.

141
00:05:04,590 --> 00:05:06,870
And I'll be honest, this isn't coming
at a great time for me,

142
00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:08,487
with everything
I've got going on.

143
00:05:08,582 --> 00:05:10,529
This is not your responsibility.

144
00:05:10,530 --> 00:05:11,926
Neither is our
wooden salad bowl,

145
00:05:11,927 --> 00:05:13,362
but I'm the only one who oils it.

146
00:05:13,363 --> 00:05:15,706
Without me, that thing would
soak up dressing like a sponge.

147
00:05:15,707 --> 00:05:17,519
Manny, I can take care of a baby.

148
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:18,727
I took care of you.

149
00:05:18,728 --> 00:05:21,432
Please. I was an anomaly.
I self-potty trained.

150
00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:23,450
I just did not get the appeal

151
00:05:23,451 --> 00:05:25,565
of intentionally
soiling one's pants.

152
00:05:25,902 --> 00:05:26,865
That said,

153
00:05:26,866 --> 00:05:29,178
I will admit to missing
the kisses on my tummy.

154
00:05:29,674 --> 00:05:31,026
How did Jay take it?

155
00:05:31,916 --> 00:05:33,683
I haven't been able
to tell him yet.

156
00:05:33,809 --> 00:05:35,416
He might not be too thrilled.

157
00:05:35,625 --> 00:05:38,675
Do you think? I was starting
to wonder the same thing.

158
00:05:38,676 --> 00:05:40,235
He doesn't deal well with change.

159
00:05:40,236 --> 00:05:41,160
I know.

160
00:05:41,161 --> 00:05:44,032
He still checks the front step
for the evening paper.

161
00:05:44,033 --> 00:05:46,418
Don't worry, mom.
I'm sure he'll adapt.

162
00:05:46,901 --> 00:05:49,805
Although, he still does
call the remote the "Clicker."

163
00:05:50,274 --> 00:05:51,602
Ay, yeah.

164
00:05:55,869 --> 00:05:58,591
I'm bored, daddy.
Make the car dance.

165
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,522
All right.
But just for a second, all right?

166
00:06:04,712 --> 00:06:05,909
Do it again.

167
00:06:05,910 --> 00:06:07,461
No. Once was enough.

168
00:06:07,638 --> 00:06:12,044
If I can't have a brother,
then I want the car to dance.

169
00:06:12,045 --> 00:06:14,524
Wow, you are really comfortable
playing that card.

170
00:06:15,611 --> 00:06:16,231
Hey!

171
00:06:18,198 --> 00:06:19,541
They wouldn't take 'em.

172
00:06:21,802 --> 00:06:23,702
They were afraid
they might have bedbugs.

173
00:06:23,703 --> 00:06:26,495
Are you serious?
They rejected our donation?

174
00:06:26,496 --> 00:06:27,539
I was so offended,

175
00:06:27,540 --> 00:06:29,187
I almost didn't buy
this fiestaware creamer.

176
00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:30,018
2 bucks.

177
00:06:30,019 --> 00:06:31,233
Didn't know what they had.

178
00:06:31,757 --> 00:06:32,901
Ah! Score.

179
00:06:33,403 --> 00:06:35,140
So what are we gonna do now?

180
00:06:35,422 --> 00:06:38,309
Get a kitten and
then name it Larry.

181
00:06:38,436 --> 00:06:40,831
Lily, honey, this is hardly
the day to get a kitten, okay?

182
00:06:40,832 --> 00:06:41,875
Would you just tell her?

183
00:06:41,876 --> 00:06:43,121
I don't know.

184
00:06:43,658 --> 00:06:45,035
I kinda want one now.

185
00:06:45,664 --> 00:06:47,028
You know, we have
been through a lot,

186
00:06:47,029 --> 00:06:50,584
and maybe the presence
of a cuddly little friend

187
00:06:50,585 --> 00:06:52,274
will help us ease the pain.

188
00:06:52,525 --> 00:06:53,993
Okay, so what you're saying is,

189
00:06:53,994 --> 00:06:55,784
You have a child-shaped
hole in your heart,

190
00:06:55,785 --> 00:06:58,554
And your plan is
to cram a cat into there?

191
00:06:59,925 --> 00:07:01,133
He has a name.

192
00:07:02,852 --> 00:07:04,979
I can't wait till your eyes
adjust to the light,

193
00:07:04,980 --> 00:07:06,578
and we see the look on your face.

194
00:07:06,579 --> 00:07:07,903
I hate you guys.

195
00:07:07,904 --> 00:07:10,229
Hey, Phil, you ever think
about growing a beard?

196
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,698
I mean, you got the face for it.

197
00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:12,589
- You think?
- Yeah.

198
00:07:12,590 --> 00:07:14,663
That's funny. I always thought so,
but my wife doesn't.

199
00:07:14,664 --> 00:07:15,337
Oh, what does she know?

200
00:07:15,338 --> 00:07:17,928
Come on, you got a great nose,
those deep-set eyes.

201
00:07:17,929 --> 00:07:19,313
I mean, you would look good.

202
00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:20,636
Thanks, Shorty.

203
00:07:20,637 --> 00:07:23,609
It's, uh, sort of a Jon Hamm
in between projects.

204
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,958
Okay, put me back in the trunk.

205
00:07:24,959 --> 00:07:25,978
Relax, you're almost there.

206
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:27,100
Nope, I'm done now!

207
00:07:27,101 --> 00:07:28,549
- Hey, Jay, no!
- No! No! No! Hey!

208
00:07:28,660 --> 00:07:30,963
Jay! Jay!

209
00:07:31,319 --> 00:07:32,748
- Jay!
- Son of a bitch!

210
00:07:32,804 --> 00:07:33,957
Somebody help me!

211
00:07:34,089 --> 00:07:36,306
I would, but-- but
these pants are cashmere!

212
00:07:36,307 --> 00:07:37,587
I got you, Jay!

213
00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:40,176
You gotta calm him down!

214
00:07:40,381 --> 00:07:42,648
- Punch him in the head!
- Don't punch him in the head!

215
00:07:42,649 --> 00:07:45,051
Don't make me punch you!
I will punch you to save you!

216
00:07:45,052 --> 00:07:46,138
I think I'm being waterboarded.

217
00:07:46,139 --> 00:07:47,683
You're making me do this!

218
00:07:49,265 --> 00:07:50,649
Get this thing off me!

219
00:07:53,032 --> 00:07:54,212
Happy birthday.

220
00:07:54,555 --> 00:07:55,843
We're taking you fishing.

221
00:07:58,523 --> 00:07:59,487
For whatever it's worth,

222
00:07:59,488 --> 00:08:01,552
Dylan was very
responsible last night.

223
00:08:01,633 --> 00:08:03,426
He's a good guy to have
around the house.

224
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:05,238
Mm. Where we going with this?

225
00:08:05,239 --> 00:08:07,382
Well, since I can't move in
with him anymore,

226
00:08:07,383 --> 00:08:08,952
he can't afford his apartment.

227
00:08:08,953 --> 00:08:11,933
So I was wondering
if it would be okay

228
00:08:11,934 --> 00:08:14,417
if he could stay with us
for a couple weeks?

229
00:08:14,418 --> 00:08:15,916
Sure. Oh, you know what?

230
00:08:15,917 --> 00:08:17,438
Why don't you guys take our room?

231
00:08:20,161 --> 00:08:21,594
She's being facetious.

232
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:23,801
Sarcastic.

233
00:08:24,427 --> 00:08:25,916
Dylan no stay.

234
00:08:25,917 --> 00:08:26,781
What?!

235
00:08:26,782 --> 00:08:28,128
Oh, come on!
He helps out a lot.

236
00:08:28,129 --> 00:08:29,728
He is very handy.

237
00:08:29,964 --> 00:08:32,883
Really? The guy who
locked himself in his car?

238
00:08:32,884 --> 00:08:35,769
You are in no position to be
asking for favors, young lady.

239
00:08:35,770 --> 00:08:38,258
Here. Drink this.
It's for your hangover.

240
00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:40,316
Ugh. It smells gross.

241
00:08:40,317 --> 00:08:42,038
Well, then you better
drink it fast.

242
00:08:46,746 --> 00:08:47,939
Ew! I'm gonna throw up!
Ugh! Ugh!

243
00:08:52,281 --> 00:08:53,593
That's a hangover cure?

244
00:08:54,029 --> 00:08:55,077
No.

245
00:08:56,039 --> 00:08:57,404
Well, this is probably shot.

246
00:08:58,199 --> 00:09:01,086
Once again, I'd like to apologize
for punching you in the head.

247
00:09:01,484 --> 00:09:03,030
It really was the only way
to save you

248
00:09:03,031 --> 00:09:05,647
since you were bound and...
hooded,

249
00:09:05,648 --> 00:09:07,357
which leads me
to my second apology.

250
00:09:07,358 --> 00:09:09,858
Gentlemen, come on.
As my uncle used to say,

251
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,543
let's not let a botched kidnapping
ruin our whole afternoon.

252
00:09:12,544 --> 00:09:14,643
He's right.
The whole point of this

253
00:09:14,644 --> 00:09:17,477
is for you to enjoy the lake
with your three best friends.

254
00:09:17,903 --> 00:09:18,999
Stan coming?

255
00:09:19,435 --> 00:09:20,659
Burn!

256
00:09:21,381 --> 00:09:23,597
So... 65, huh?

257
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,476
You're heading into
the best years of your life.

258
00:09:26,477 --> 00:09:27,102
That's right.

259
00:09:27,103 --> 00:09:28,572
You put in the work.
You climbed the mountain.

260
00:09:28,573 --> 00:09:30,776
Now it's time to reap the rewards.

261
00:09:30,777 --> 00:09:31,554
I guess you're right.

262
00:09:31,555 --> 00:09:32,633
Sounds pretty good to me.

263
00:09:32,634 --> 00:09:34,085
You know, the more I look at you,

264
00:09:34,086 --> 00:09:36,138
the angrier I get that
you don't got a beard.

265
00:09:36,139 --> 00:09:37,327
I had a soul patch once.

266
00:09:37,328 --> 00:09:39,920
A soul patch?
That's like a beard's crap.

267
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,585
I golfed six times last week.

268
00:09:42,645 --> 00:09:44,804
Found 42 balls-- a new record.

269
00:09:44,805 --> 00:09:46,443
I don't think my falcon
could have found that many,

270
00:09:46,444 --> 00:09:48,821
And he can spot
a mouse at 600 yards.

271
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:50,494
Whats that have to do with beards?

272
00:09:50,495 --> 00:09:52,323
I thought we were talking
about Jay turning 65

273
00:09:52,324 --> 00:09:53,632
and how good that's gonna be.

274
00:09:53,633 --> 00:09:54,989
That's right.
It's gonna be great, Jay.

275
00:09:54,990 --> 00:09:57,350
I'm telling ya.
I got a vegetable garden.

276
00:09:57,351 --> 00:10:00,000
Two years ago, it was a patch
of dirt in my backyard.

277
00:10:00,025 --> 00:10:02,744
Now I got tomatoes,
I got five kinds of beans,

278
00:10:02,745 --> 00:10:03,798
I got squash.

279
00:10:03,799 --> 00:10:05,239
And between you and me,

280
00:10:05,353 --> 00:10:07,486
I'm even thinking about
pickling my own cucumbers.

281
00:10:07,487 --> 00:10:09,300
Why would that be
between you and me?

282
00:10:09,301 --> 00:10:12,013
Because there's a
finite number of pickles.

283
00:10:12,110 --> 00:10:13,912
But don't worry.
All you guys are on the list.

284
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,425
Well, I'd like to make a toast.

285
00:10:16,462 --> 00:10:18,624
To Jay, who's not
particularly buoyant.

286
00:10:18,625 --> 00:10:20,188
And again,
I'm very sorry about that.

287
00:10:20,189 --> 00:10:22,718
But he's the best father-in-law
a guy could ask for.

288
00:10:22,719 --> 00:10:25,410
- All right. - And we're--we're all
really lucky to know him. Cheers.

289
00:10:25,411 --> 00:10:26,962
- Here, here.
- Salud.

290
00:10:27,387 --> 00:10:28,414
Thanks, guys.
You know what?

291
00:10:28,415 --> 00:10:30,503
It is kinda nice
being out here with all of ya.

292
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:32,042
Hey, let's do some fishing.

293
00:10:32,055 --> 00:10:34,479
I'm starting to feel better
now that I'm finally getting dry.

294
00:10:34,849 --> 00:10:35,864
Let's do this!

295
00:10:35,865 --> 00:10:37,036
- Let's go! 
- All right!

296
00:10:43,691 --> 00:10:44,484
Sure.

297
00:10:44,485 --> 00:10:44,852
You know,

298
00:10:44,853 --> 00:10:46,690
I had a little peppermints
schnapps at my prom,

299
00:10:46,691 --> 00:10:48,106
but I hid it from my parents

300
00:10:48,107 --> 00:10:50,419
and I kicked my boyfriend out
before they woke up.

301
00:10:50,554 --> 00:10:51,866
It's called respect.

302
00:10:53,338 --> 00:10:54,679
I'm pregnant.

303
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,032
You're gonna get fat.

304
00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,233
You--oh!
I mean...

305
00:10:59,330 --> 00:11:01,410
That's great. It's great!
You're pregnant!

306
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:02,950
It's great! Congratulations!

307
00:11:04,537 --> 00:11:05,745
It was a surprise.

308
00:11:05,746 --> 00:11:07,773
Yeah, I'll bet.
What did my dad say?

309
00:11:07,774 --> 00:11:09,195
I haven't told him yet.

310
00:11:09,196 --> 00:11:12,468
I worry that he's going to think
it's not such great news.

311
00:11:12,903 --> 00:11:14,935
Ohh, no.
Don't be silly.

312
00:11:15,064 --> 00:11:16,423
He's gonna be thrilled.

313
00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,544
I knew he wasn't gonna be thrilled.

314
00:11:19,659 --> 00:11:21,666
And if history was any indication,

315
00:11:21,776 --> 00:11:23,624
he wasn't gonna be able to hide it.

316
00:11:23,879 --> 00:11:27,034
It's a French Canadian
delicacy called poutine.

317
00:11:27,035 --> 00:11:27,984
Mm. Well, it looks like vomit,

318
00:11:27,985 --> 00:11:30,540
so I'm not pou-ting it in my mouth.

319
00:11:33,891 --> 00:11:34,978
We're here!

320
00:11:37,150 --> 00:11:38,216
What'd you do to your hair?

321
00:11:38,217 --> 00:11:39,557
I thought I'd try
something different.

322
00:11:39,562 --> 00:11:40,778
What, looking old?

323
00:11:43,663 --> 00:11:44,665
I had to get to dad

324
00:11:44,666 --> 00:11:47,146
before he said something
insensitive to Gloria.

325
00:11:48,603 --> 00:11:50,827
But she is gonna get
really fat, though.

326
00:11:53,096 --> 00:11:54,502
Dad, call me back.

327
00:11:54,503 --> 00:11:56,052
I have something
very important to tell you

328
00:11:56,053 --> 00:11:57,836
so when you get home
you don't say something stupid

329
00:11:57,837 --> 00:11:59,028
like you usually do.

330
00:11:59,039 --> 00:12:00,607
Oh, happy birthday.

331
00:12:01,510 --> 00:12:03,574
Yeah. I've gotta say,

332
00:12:03,739 --> 00:12:06,497
you're handling this baby thing
better than I would've expected.

333
00:12:06,498 --> 00:12:07,319
What do you mean?

334
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,225
You're used to being
the only kid in the house.

335
00:12:09,351 --> 00:12:12,327
Now there's gonna be a new kid.
Jay's kid.

336
00:12:12,352 --> 00:12:13,132
So?

337
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,739
Well, the old Manny
would've been worried

338
00:12:14,740 --> 00:12:16,740
That Jay would love
the new kid more.

339
00:12:16,887 --> 00:12:19,113
I think you're underestimating
how adorable I am.

340
00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:21,642
You're right.
You're way cuter than a baby.

341
00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:23,421
I'm gonna go check on dinner.

342
00:12:25,568 --> 00:12:28,552
Sometimes I just like to toss
a grenade and run away.

343
00:12:30,013 --> 00:12:31,343
All right, take a whiff.

344
00:12:31,344 --> 00:12:32,152
Make sure you like it,

345
00:12:32,153 --> 00:12:34,030
'cause that's what
our couch is gonna smell like.

346
00:12:34,639 --> 00:12:36,440
Okay, hi.
Yes, we're gonna take this one.

347
00:12:36,441 --> 00:12:38,431
Oh, I'm gonna need you
to slow down a bit.

348
00:12:38,432 --> 00:12:40,218
There's a process
we need to go through

349
00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:42,126
to see if you're a suitable
cat guardian.

350
00:12:42,127 --> 00:12:43,596
Oh, really?
Because I thought the process was,

351
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:44,515
I say, "We'll take this one."

352
00:12:44,516 --> 00:12:46,479
And then you say, "Thank God
because we have too many cats."

353
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:49,344
No. We need to ensure these cats
are going to good homes.

354
00:12:49,345 --> 00:12:51,182
That's why we need you
to fill out this form,

355
00:12:51,183 --> 00:12:52,782
And then there'll be a site visit.

356
00:12:52,783 --> 00:12:55,205
Okay, um, we've just been
through a very frustrating year

357
00:12:55,206 --> 00:12:57,063
trying to adopt a baby, so...

358
00:12:57,431 --> 00:12:59,081
You'll forgive us
if we're not really in the mood

359
00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:01,181
to jump through
too many hoops for a cat.

360
00:13:01,182 --> 00:13:03,134
Oh. Why wouldn't they
give you a baby?

361
00:13:03,135 --> 00:13:04,648
- It's complicated.
- So are cats.

362
00:13:04,649 --> 00:13:06,527
Are they? 'cause that one
over there has been licking

363
00:13:06,528 --> 00:13:07,762
itself ever since we got here.

364
00:13:07,763 --> 00:13:10,331
Okay, you know what?
I'm--I can't do this.

365
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:12,437
What about Larry?

366
00:13:12,438 --> 00:13:13,862
I'm sorry, Lily.
Not today.

367
00:13:16,507 --> 00:13:18,578
Mitchell stormed off,
but I couldn't.

368
00:13:18,730 --> 00:13:20,154
I had to give her
a piece of my mind.

369
00:13:20,155 --> 00:13:21,041
And how'd that go?

370
00:13:21,042 --> 00:13:23,127
I may have strayed
off topic just a bit.

371
00:13:23,272 --> 00:13:24,251
No, sir!

372
00:13:24,252 --> 00:13:26,682
No, she will always be
Norma Jeane Baker to me.

373
00:13:26,683 --> 00:13:27,993
What is your point, exactly?

374
00:13:27,994 --> 00:13:29,871
That like the
thrice-married starlet,

375
00:13:29,872 --> 00:13:32,784
this cat is being deprived
a stable home.

376
00:13:32,785 --> 00:13:34,153
I'm sorry if you're upset.

377
00:13:34,154 --> 00:13:36,110
You're the one who
should be upset, ma'am.

378
00:13:36,111 --> 00:13:38,431
We are animals lovers.

379
00:13:38,639 --> 00:13:41,505
That cat would've been
on the receiving end of affection

380
00:13:41,506 --> 00:13:43,282
24 hours a day.

381
00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:47,322
Satisfying its every need
would've been our top priority.

382
00:13:52,768 --> 00:13:54,126
Okay, in light of that tableau,

383
00:13:54,127 --> 00:13:56,181
I would like to take back
the phrase "receiving end."

384
00:13:58,246 --> 00:14:00,811
Mom, I've decided I'm not
going to poetry camp.

385
00:14:00,812 --> 00:14:01,977
What? Why not?

386
00:14:01,978 --> 00:14:03,262
'Cause by the time I come back,

387
00:14:03,263 --> 00:14:05,005
Jay will have turned
my room into a nursery.

388
00:14:05,006 --> 00:14:05,947
No, he won't.

389
00:14:05,948 --> 00:14:07,177
I'm not his real kid.

390
00:14:07,178 --> 00:14:09,836
I'll be as insignificant
as a whisper in a windstorm.

391
00:14:09,837 --> 00:14:12,623
Oh, listen to you.
You have a gift.

392
00:14:12,624 --> 00:14:14,111
You have to go
to the poetry camp.

393
00:14:14,112 --> 00:14:15,180
I don't think I can risk it.

394
00:14:15,181 --> 00:14:17,807
Manny, please. I have too much
to worry about right now.

395
00:14:17,808 --> 00:14:18,943
- Okay?
- You?

396
00:14:18,944 --> 00:14:20,453
I dug a pretty big hole for myself

397
00:14:20,454 --> 00:14:22,130
with those insult jokes
this morning.

398
00:14:22,349 --> 00:14:23,960
Why didn't I learn from Rickles?

399
00:14:23,961 --> 00:14:25,513
You gotta end with some ticker.

400
00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:28,708
Okay, I give up.

401
00:14:28,709 --> 00:14:30,725
I can't find a position
that's not sexual.

402
00:14:30,872 --> 00:14:33,013
- Just calm down.
- I can't calm down.

403
00:14:33,014 --> 00:14:35,910
You know, maybe we're not
as okay as we keep saying we are.

404
00:14:36,093 --> 00:14:38,572
- I know.
- Maybe we should go away.

405
00:14:38,579 --> 00:14:40,843
You know, go someplace to heal.

406
00:14:40,844 --> 00:14:41,868
Where?

407
00:14:41,926 --> 00:14:43,975
Well, someplace with
a vibrant theater scene...

408
00:14:44,908 --> 00:14:46,459
Top-notch restaurants...

409
00:14:47,204 --> 00:14:48,371
The jewel of Missouri's white river.

410
00:14:48,372 --> 00:14:49,550
We're not going to Branson.

411
00:14:49,551 --> 00:14:52,703
Okay, fine.
Where would you go?

412
00:14:52,842 --> 00:14:54,583
I don't know.
Maybe Europe?

413
00:14:54,584 --> 00:14:55,490
London?

414
00:14:55,502 --> 00:14:57,391
Just somewhere far away.

415
00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:01,246
- I'm just sad, Cam.
- I am, too.

416
00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:03,815
You know, I had
our mornings all planned out.

417
00:15:05,050 --> 00:15:07,502
The baby and I would
walk Lily to kindergarten

418
00:15:07,503 --> 00:15:08,931
and then cut back home
through the park

419
00:15:08,932 --> 00:15:10,468
and feed those ducks
that you're not supposed to feed

420
00:15:10,469 --> 00:15:11,975
but everybody does.

421
00:15:12,727 --> 00:15:14,364
I bought a picture frame
for my desk,

422
00:15:14,365 --> 00:15:16,381
and it's just sitting there,

423
00:15:16,996 --> 00:15:18,492
waiting for his face.

424
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:19,806
Come here.

425
00:15:23,107 --> 00:15:24,221
I already feel better.

426
00:15:24,222 --> 00:15:25,230
Me, too.

427
00:15:25,231 --> 00:15:27,015
See what the power
of a hug can do?

428
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,103
Just saved us a long
plane ride with a toddler.

429
00:15:29,104 --> 00:15:32,183
- And a cat that we didn't want.
- Oh, we're still getting that.

430
00:15:34,470 --> 00:15:36,118
All right, how does this look?

431
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,987
Perfectly innocent.
They're not even touching.

432
00:15:39,871 --> 00:15:41,258
Great. Okay. Let's go.

433
00:15:41,259 --> 00:15:42,347
All right.

434
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:43,800
You ready, honey?

435
00:15:48,816 --> 00:15:50,433
Go. Go.

436
00:15:51,427 --> 00:15:52,803
Hey, Mrs. Dunphy?

437
00:15:52,873 --> 00:15:55,458
I heard about what Haley asked you,
and just so you know,

438
00:15:55,459 --> 00:15:57,903
I never wanted
to put you in that position.

439
00:15:58,039 --> 00:16:00,031
- I'll be fine.
- That's good to know.

440
00:16:01,383 --> 00:16:03,679
My cousin Dylan said
I could stay at his house.

441
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:06,054
Well, not really at his house.

442
00:16:06,055 --> 00:16:08,581
More like behind it...
In the garage.

443
00:16:08,582 --> 00:16:09,469
Okay.

444
00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:11,050
Well, actually,
there are no walls,

445
00:16:11,051 --> 00:16:12,564
So it's more of a porte cochere.

446
00:16:12,565 --> 00:16:13,538
Fancy.

447
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,116
Anyway, I'll be sleeping in it.

448
00:16:15,117 --> 00:16:16,477
It's got a bathroom.

449
00:16:17,068 --> 00:16:18,393
More of a half-bath.

450
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:19,874
It's a coffee can.

451
00:16:20,579 --> 00:16:22,020
- Ohh.
- Anyway, I'll be fine

452
00:16:22,021 --> 00:16:24,522
once I find a nice tent
to protect me from the coyotes.

453
00:16:24,523 --> 00:16:26,707
Well, be sure to hang
your food up high.

454
00:16:27,355 --> 00:16:28,531
We're back!

455
00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:30,585
Birthday boy's here!

456
00:16:31,008 --> 00:16:32,316
Hey, Jay, you're all wrinkled.

457
00:16:32,317 --> 00:16:33,906
Yeah, yeah, I'm old. I get it.

458
00:16:33,907 --> 00:16:35,004
No, I mean your clothes.

459
00:16:35,005 --> 00:16:36,855
Yeah, when I was your age,
I was wearing animal skins.

460
00:16:36,856 --> 00:16:37,794
Bam! You got me.

461
00:16:37,795 --> 00:16:39,501
I think, bam!
You got yourself.

462
00:16:39,502 --> 00:16:40,776
I'm just expressing concern.

463
00:16:40,777 --> 00:16:42,615
Let me guess--
about my bone density.

464
00:16:42,616 --> 00:16:43,975
You know,
you're a real smart-ass.

465
00:16:43,976 --> 00:16:46,241
At this rate, I'll be living
in the basement.

466
00:16:46,293 --> 00:16:47,413
Lucky.

467
00:16:47,758 --> 00:16:50,286
Dad? Dad, okay, quick.
Just come here one second.

468
00:16:50,287 --> 00:16:51,200
I gotta tell you something.

469
00:16:51,201 --> 00:16:55,794
Somebody is about to tell you
some very important news.

470
00:16:55,795 --> 00:16:57,421
And for the first time
in your life,

471
00:16:57,422 --> 00:16:58,912
I need you to react nicely.

472
00:16:58,913 --> 00:17:01,513
- I always react nicely.
- You never do.

473
00:17:01,514 --> 00:17:04,514
And this person in question
is very vulnerable right now.

474
00:17:04,515 --> 00:17:07,636
So could you please just
be loving and supportive?

475
00:17:07,853 --> 00:17:09,939
- Happy birthday, dad!
- Oh, thank you.

476
00:17:09,940 --> 00:17:11,362
That's a boy.

477
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:13,658
Sorry we're late,
but it's for a good reason.

478
00:17:15,086 --> 00:17:16,727
We're thinking about
getting a cat.

479
00:17:17,877 --> 00:17:19,977
Well, isn't that wonderful?

480
00:17:19,978 --> 00:17:22,844
I'm thrilled for you both.
This is a heck of a decision.

481
00:17:22,845 --> 00:17:24,405
You have my full support.

482
00:17:26,888 --> 00:17:27,566
Okay.

483
00:17:27,567 --> 00:17:29,488
I think it'll be a perfect
addition to the family.

484
00:17:29,489 --> 00:17:31,688
I know I'll love the heck out
of the little bugger.

485
00:17:31,689 --> 00:17:34,036
I'm just hoping that little one
over there doesn't get jealous.

486
00:17:34,037 --> 00:17:35,588
Oh, this little one
will be just fine

487
00:17:35,589 --> 00:17:37,153
now that he knows
where he stands--

488
00:17:37,154 --> 00:17:38,684
In the shadow of your new baby!

489
00:17:38,685 --> 00:17:39,833
What's he talking about?

490
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:42,390
He's talking about I am pregnant.

491
00:17:42,391 --> 00:17:44,153
- Oh, come on!
- Pregnant?!

492
00:17:44,154 --> 00:17:45,203
You gotta be kidding me!

493
00:17:45,204 --> 00:17:47,430
Oh, gross. I didn't know
grandpa could still do it.

494
00:17:47,431 --> 00:17:48,868
Don't be disrespectful, Luke.

495
00:17:48,869 --> 00:17:50,637
Anyone could do it with Gloria.

496
00:17:50,638 --> 00:17:54,249
And if you're too set in your
old ways to be happy about it,

497
00:17:54,250 --> 00:17:55,623
I can raise it on my own.

498
00:17:55,624 --> 00:17:57,768
I have done it before,
and I can do it now!

499
00:17:57,769 --> 00:18:01,250
I come from a very long line
of strong Latin women

500
00:18:01,251 --> 00:18:03,770
whose husbands
are nowhere to be found!

501
00:18:05,008 --> 00:18:07,199
- Are you done?
- Yes!

502
00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:09,039
- Can I say something?
- Go on!

503
00:18:09,777 --> 00:18:12,497
That's the greatest news
I've ever heard.

504
00:18:13,118 --> 00:18:13,976
It is?

505
00:18:13,977 --> 00:18:17,311
I spent the day hearing what
my future had in store for me,

506
00:18:17,644 --> 00:18:19,252
and I didn't like one bit of it.

507
00:18:19,385 --> 00:18:21,177
It felt like my life was ending.

508
00:18:21,805 --> 00:18:24,413
And now you're telling me
that I get to have a new start...

509
00:18:25,651 --> 00:18:26,947
with the woman of my dreams.

510
00:18:29,091 --> 00:18:30,387
I think I'm gonna cry.

511
00:18:30,591 --> 00:18:31,881
I'm way ahead of you.

512
00:18:31,882 --> 00:18:32,737
Can you believe this?

513
00:18:32,738 --> 00:18:34,876
I know. They wouldn't
even let us get a cat.

514
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:36,620
It's gonna be great!

515
00:18:36,650 --> 00:18:38,232
I'm gonna get so fat.

516
00:18:38,233 --> 00:18:39,521
Mostly great.

517
00:18:46,108 --> 00:18:48,202
Oh, gross.
They're at it again.

518
00:18:48,203 --> 00:18:50,054
If you don't like it, don't look.

519
00:18:51,154 --> 00:18:52,681
She looks great, doesn't she?

520
00:18:52,682 --> 00:18:53,865
Yeah.

521
00:18:54,081 --> 00:18:56,465
Not really gaining weight
the way I would've expected.

522
00:18:56,555 --> 00:18:59,212
I finally understand why people
say pregnant women glow.

523
00:18:59,563 --> 00:19:01,411
Phil, I have had three children.

524
00:19:01,693 --> 00:19:04,059
Hey, dad, Gloria,
open our present.

525
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:07,137
Ooh! I hope it's something fancy.

526
00:19:07,385 --> 00:19:10,200
It's for the baby. I love it!

527
00:19:10,201 --> 00:19:13,704
We got it in a shop
at Heathrow, duty free.

528
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:15,705
Not for long.

529
00:19:16,018 --> 00:19:17,398
Isn't it absolutely brilliant?

530
00:19:17,399 --> 00:19:20,013
Okay, we were in London two weeks.
Lose the accent, Madonna.

531
00:19:20,014 --> 00:19:21,759
Why is your face all scratched up?

532
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,037
Stupid Larry.

533
00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:24,537
This feels so weird.

534
00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:25,665
It suits you.

535
00:19:25,783 --> 00:19:27,766
Don't even joke about it.

536
00:19:28,396 --> 00:19:30,836
That's it. He is moving out
of the house tomorrow.

537
00:19:30,940 --> 00:19:31,999
Really?

538
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,513
Oh, and that beard is going.

539
00:19:33,633 --> 00:19:36,441
Fine, but it's gonna kill Shorty.

540
00:19:37,185 --> 00:19:39,317
Okay, everybody,
let's gather together.

541
00:19:39,318 --> 00:19:41,724
Manny's gonna read us
a little something

542
00:19:41,725 --> 00:19:43,937
that he prepare
in his poetry camp.

543
00:19:43,938 --> 00:19:45,066
Thank you, mom.

544
00:19:45,189 --> 00:19:47,565
This is for my new
baby brother or sister.

545
00:19:48,861 --> 00:19:50,165
"Welcome, little one.

546
00:19:50,463 --> 00:19:52,554
Open your eyes and take your place.

547
00:19:52,795 --> 00:19:54,268
This is where you're meant to be,

548
00:19:54,332 --> 00:19:56,236
Nestled in the bosom
of your mother."

549
00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:57,259
Lucky baby.

550
00:19:57,260 --> 00:19:59,300
- What?
- Love you, baby.

551
00:20:00,045 --> 00:20:01,564
"This is where you're meant to be,

552
00:20:01,565 --> 00:20:03,149
in the arms of your father.

553
00:20:03,510 --> 00:20:06,302
His long, long journey
has readied him for this day,

554
00:20:06,797 --> 00:20:08,541
though his skin may be loose,

555
00:20:08,542 --> 00:20:09,974
his hair but a wisp,

556
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:11,668
and his eyes milky with age,"

557
00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:12,875
All right, we're done here.

558
00:20:14,086 --> 00:20:15,086
Get a drink.

559
00:20:16,902 --> 00:20:19,486
Don't feel bad about
making move out, Mrs. D.

560
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:20,806
I knew this day
would come eventually,

561
00:20:20,807 --> 00:20:22,198
and I'm totally covered.

562
00:20:22,199 --> 00:20:23,953
Great. So we'll see you around.

563
00:20:23,954 --> 00:20:25,777
I got a place with
an old friend of mine.

564
00:20:25,778 --> 00:20:29,026
Well, not so much
of a place as a storage pod.

565
00:20:29,292 --> 00:20:32,211
And not so much of a...
friend as a raccoon.

566
00:20:32,218 --> 00:20:33,746
Good to know you'll have company.

567
00:20:34,007 --> 00:20:36,708
I call him bubbles because
his mouth is all foamy.

568
00:20:36,709 --> 00:20:38,768
Dylan, I'm on to your little game.

569
00:20:38,769 --> 00:20:39,907
I know non of this is true.

570
00:20:39,908 --> 00:20:42,009
You just try to guilt me
into I letting you stay.

571
00:20:42,010 --> 00:20:44,210
You're right, I'm sorry.

572
00:20:44,275 --> 00:20:45,923
I'll just live in my car.

573
00:20:46,472 --> 00:20:47,696
Think I can borrow a coat hanger

574
00:20:47,697 --> 00:20:49,677
in case I get lock in there again.

575
00:20:49,678 --> 00:20:51,285
- God.
- What's going on?

576
00:20:52,411 --> 00:20:53,647
No, no no.
All of it.

577
00:20:53,648 --> 00:20:57,055
Sure you don't wanna dance
with the devil before I get rid of it.

578
00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:57,897
Go.

579
00:20:58,147 --> 00:20:59,339
Fine.

580
00:20:59,539 --> 00:21:00,739
Synced by YYeTs, corrections by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com